HI! This is my first post since my last update way back in March. I would like to say that I've not had the time to write updates lately but as I grow older I find the 'I've not had the time' excuse to wear thin, both coming from myself and others. As Gandalf once said; 'all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.' Now, my man Gandalf was a real G who kept things real and I try to do the same -- minus the fighting ancient demons on weak bridges, being thrown around dark towers by a crazy wizard who he once thought was his homie and so on and so forth. So when I look back at the time that I've been given and what I've been doing with said time, I kind of think to myself well; maybe I could have squeezed in that tiny bit of creativity into my day, maybe I could have written a post or at least even started the draft, I could have shot more film, recorded a video and motivated myself more.

Instead, I look back on the time that I've used and find that I've kind of just wasted it on small things, things that suck you up and swallow you whole and lead you into living a very comfortable life. You know, endless social media scrolling, watching vine compilations on YouTube and generally meaningless activities. Now, over the past few years I've become very disillusioned over the kind of career path that I want to take, in fact I wrote a post back in March where I described all the cool ideas that I had in my head for where I wanted to head towards in life, after re-reading the post myself, I think I've pretty much stuck to the game plan that I had of making some YouTube videos, being more outgoing and extroverted and just getting out and doing stuff more, lately my social life does seem to be quite full on and I like it though I'm still lacking in the career side of things.

I simply just don't know what I want to work towards career wise in life anymore. Sure, I do the odd graphics freelance job here and there and don't mind the work, though I constantly have to lower my price range to actually attract the work as unfortunately no one in my neck of the woods appreciates that good design work = a good pay rate. So to keep the cash coming in each month I work part-time in retail, I have done since I was 18 and I know my role in and out like the back of my hand, its a comfortable job which pays your just above average wage which lets me do the things I like to do, buy nice things that make me feel good and see my friends but I don't plan on doing this job for the rest of my life. 

A lot of people around my age seem to be in jobs that they enjoy, they're off starting families, taking on mortgages and buying cars and I see all of that and I tell myself 'Hey Luke, you know not to compare your behind the scenes with their final product.' but sometimes it all gets a little bit too much, like damn Susan, we get it - you have your life figured out with your 6am gym session before work, beautiful family and gorgeous holiday pictures - no need to plaster it all over my news feed each day! 

Fuck Susan.* 

*I don't in fact know a Susan though I'm sure you too might have a similar kind of person constantly popping up in your news feeds.

I know, I know, you're probably thinking to yourself 'damn Luke why so much salt, just chill, man!' Yeah, I feel you. I guess every now and then that one little voice just comes into my head and I just think to myself that I should be in this full time creative job somewhere, making a decent wage, starting a family, buying a house, driving a car and it all makes me feel super shitty about myself and what I'm currently doing with my life. Hell, a month or so ago I felt so low about it all that I sought out help through the CALM webchat just to vent out all of my thoughts in writing to a professional on the other end of a computer. I felt super better about everything after that chat and realised that damn son, I'm only 25! I have literally the entirety of my life to figure out what the hell I want to do in life, where I want to be and what I'll do. So now here I am at the present where I've got a slight change in game plan and what I'm doing with my life... 

You may have noticed that I highlighted the word 'comfortable' a couple of times throughout this post and that's really because of my feelings towards this comfortable lifestyle that many of us lead these days. Staying in a job because its secure though you hate it, staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons just because its easier than starting one anew, buying materialistic things because your friends have them, living within your comfort zone and fearing change. While it may sound hypocritical of me to talk about this whilst I work a stable job in retail, I know for a fact that I don't want it forever and I consider myself to be highly ambitious and want something more for myself, more than just comfortable. The very thought of having to settle into my comfort zone, play everything safe and not extend my limits scares me more than anything in this world (even more than Sharks and I'm pretty terrified of those wee beasties). 

So for now, I'm trying to break up my end goals into small chunks to tackle piece by piece and focus on them individually. Right now, I'm practicing my theory for driving. I'm booked in for my theory test and I just really want to nail getting a full license so I can drive a car. After that happens, that's when I can start to think more openly about different job opportunities, even living and working in different cities/countries and just having the freedom of having a car. Other things that I've been working on in my spare time since reevaluating the time that I have include: exercising again, reading, making plans to see friends more, eating a more balanced diet (I have the best ever morning smoothie recipe**) and just getting out of the house each day. 

Anyway, I've rambled on a lot more than I originally intended to do, I guess I just wanted to vent again and put what my plans and thoughts on what I'm working towards and what I want to achieve all down in front of me so I can read it back to myself and have some sense of relief/understanding, rather than bottling it all up and trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life. Do you have any good tips for self improvement and focus? Have you been going through similar periods? Let me know below.

'til next time! 

** 1 green apple, 1 banana, 1/4 of avocado, a hand full of kale, a hand full of spinach, 1 teaspoon of almond butter, almond milk - enough to loosen up the smoothie. Also good to add in if you have them are 1 kiwi, a hand full of porridge oats. I've been having this each morning for about 2 weeks now and its a serious game changer that sets up my day and gets me my 5 a day before the day has even fully begun! 
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